ONE PARENT'S STORY: How We Helped Our Very Shy Child Adapt to Preschool (cont.)
We had many opportunities to observe Anna in the school
which had see-through mirrors. She seemed perfectly happy
but just didn't socialize! The teachers were much more
concerned with the atypical children, however. Normal
Anna was left her own devices. But in this setting, for
the atypical children seem more normal socially, and Anna
looked autistic. We were worried enough to call in the
health department psychologist. He was concerned enough
to do an immediate psychological assessment.
We learned that Anna was definitely not autistic. Her
shyness was related to her temperament and her extreme
sensitivity to stress. We were told not to allow her to
avoid social situations but to help her learn ways to
socialize. We thought we had been doing this, but the
psychologist pointed out that, and unless the adults in
the situation know how to coach children in social skills,
the children will not necessarily just pick them up. He
said that not all teachers have been trained to do this,
not even special-needs teachers, to our surprise.
I returned to the integrated preschool and asked if I
could participate in the program. They welcome to me,
and I had many opportunities to watch Anna and her classmates
and teachers. Time and time again, opportunities for Anna
to socialize were missed. So I started cueing her and
the teachers picked up what I was doing. I think they
thought she was just shy and would eventually thaw. But
we saw that she needed to be prompted with suggestions
like: "I bet Justin would like to play with that,
to or how about asking Susie if she has seen that book?"
These methods worked very well and we enrolled Anna in
kindergarten with the confidence that we now knew how
to help her develop socially. Since then, we have not
hesitated to give teachers tips about our daughter. Anna
is in the fifth grade, and in her own words, has "several
best friends".
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