We had many opportunities to observe Anna in the school which had see-through mirrors. She seemed perfectly happy but just didn't socialize! The teachers were much more concerned with the atypical children, however. Normal Anna was left her own devices. But in this setting, for the atypical children seem more normal socially, and Anna looked autistic. We were worried enough to call in the health department psychologist. He was concerned enough to do an immediate psychological assessment.

We learned that Anna was definitely not autistic. Her shyness was related to her temperament and her extreme sensitivity to stress. We were told not to allow her to avoid social situations but to help her learn ways to socialize. We thought we had been doing this, but the psychologist pointed out that, and unless the adults in the situation know how to coach children in social skills, the children will not necessarily just pick them up. He said that not all teachers have been trained to do this, not even special-needs teachers, to our surprise.

I returned to the integrated preschool and asked if I could participate in the program. They welcome to me, and I had many opportunities to watch Anna and her classmates and teachers. Time and time again, opportunities for Anna to socialize were missed. So I started cueing her and the teachers picked up what I was doing. I think they thought she was just shy and would eventually thaw. But we saw that she needed to be prompted with suggestions like: "I bet Justin would like to play with that, to or how about asking Susie if she has seen that book?" These methods worked very well and we enrolled Anna in kindergarten with the confidence that we now knew how to help her develop socially. Since then, we have not hesitated to give teachers tips about our daughter. Anna is in the fifth grade, and in her own words, has "several best friends".