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The Child With A Short Fuse: A Temperament Perspective
Temperament research has revealed that some children are
less adaptable,
more negative, and more intense than others. Careful evaluation
may reveal
no allergies, learning disabilities, depression or history
of abuse to explain the child's low tolerance of frustration
and angry outbursts. Measurement of temperament could
reveal the source of the problem! Negative, intense and
inflexible youngsters are often described as having "a
short fuse" when they are under stress. A common
source of stress for such children is a "poor
fit" at home, at school or with peers.
When the source of frustration is a poor fit, the solution
is simple in theory. Improve the fit and the child's symptoms
will subside (though the temperament itself cannot be
expected to change very much). However, accepting the
basis of the problem can be harder in practice. Here are
some of the common stumbling-blocks:
1. UNWILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT NEGATIVE MOOD AS A TEMPERAMENT
TRAIT AND NOT A SYMPTOM.
There are many professionals and some parents who simply
do not believe that mood can have a basis in temperament.
To these people, negative
mood is always a sign that "something is wrong".
This misconception can create many problems in the parent-child
relationship. A common one is psychoanalysis - searching
for the hidden pain or worry that just is not there.
2. THE FACT THAT NEGATIVE MOOD IS STRESSFUL IN RELATIONSHIPS.
Intense, inflexible and negative mood expression is wearing on
parents and others. Interacting with children who display
these behaviors often does not feel rewarding. In fact,
some parents of such children become clinically depressed
after years and years of unsatisfying interactions. The
lack of gratification can make it difficult to motivate
parents to change their ways of responding to the child.
3. FAILURE TO CONSIDER OTHER TEMPERAMENT TRAITS INTERACTING
WITH THE MOOD.
For example, a child with negative mood who also has a
low sensory threshold
may become very negative and difficult to deal with after
an overload of sounds, smells or other sensory stimuli.
All of the child's traits and other characteristics need
to be considered in a stress reduction plan.
4. PROBLEMS REALIZING THAT MOOD CAN HAVE A BIOLOGICAL
BASIS AND FLUCTUATE THROUGHOUT THE DAY (OR WEEK) IN UNPREDICTABLE
WAYS.
Some parents report that they can tell from the tone
of their child's voice first thing in the morning how
the day will go. When moods are being affected by a child's
basic wiring, parents need to let go of the guilt and
be prepared for "good days" and "bad
days", "good hours" and "bad
hours". Adults often expect others to know that
their moods change for no good reason. Why is it so hard
to accept this fact about some children?
5. PROFESSIONAL DISLIKE OF SUCH CHILDREN.
This is a painful issue for parents and a shocking reality.
Some mental health professionals and teachers find negative,
intense and inflexible children objectionable and do not
try hard to hide their feelings towards these children.
You may hear comments about your child's "attitude
problem" or you may simply notice the professional
shift into a negative mindset, often hinting that you
have messed up your child. RUN, DO NOT WALK, TO ANOTHER
PROFESSIONAL! REMOVE YOUR CHILD FROM THAT TEACHER'S CLASSROOM
AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Your child has a
right to be respected regardless of temperament.
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